so full.....of emotion......

yea, right now im crying and the tears just keep coming..... i have no idea why.  Started out by telling my friend when i realized how sensitive i am.  Today at work, a guest had to stay a few extra nighte because of his wife who was in the hospital because her uterus split.  She's pregnant and i guess her condition not stable at the time and deciding whether to stay in our city or fly her home.  She calls back today to tell me that they will be leaving in a few days, i ask her if everythings alright and she tells me it is.  That was the point when a little thing like that made me want to cry, i was releived that everything was ok and i dont even know this person.

So here i am, typing out this blog and at the same time the tears just keep flowing out and i dont know why.

A month ago i watched "The Soloist" . By the end, when the credits were running i was crying and i kept crying.  I was sad that it is a reflection of what does and is happening in our society now even with all our advances in education and technology.  We still have so many people out on the street, with mental illness and i wont deny it even myself i look at them and then i look the other way.  I will now look at them different and realize that they dont even know the way they are sometimes.

Most of us are so absorbed in their own little world that they dont realized how good that they have it.  All they do is complain about not having enough of this, or needing more of something.  You see people living in a 3rd world country and the littlest thing will make them happy for a lifetime whilst we live here with the same thing and it probably wouldnt make any difference in the world.

I wish people wouldnt hide from reality, people need to watch the news they need to know how good they have it, how fortunate to be where they are at this place in time.  Appreciate the simple things in life, fresh air, a tree, that bird gliding in the air and most of all the people around you that complete your circle no matter how small or big it is......

hmmmmmm.......

So here i am, at work just remembering that i have a blog. Im pretty much always going through thoughts in my head and solving issues in there i guess. But here i am, work has become very unfulfilling and yet i am lazy to go out and find another one. Could it be that its only 10 minutes away from home? Could it be that im just enjoying my time when im not at work and i dont want to go hunting for that other job now? I think its a combination of everything. Till i find the motivation to find that job (must be before summer) i think this part of my life will be more fulfilled.

In the next few months ive also taken on house/pet sitting. One for 2 weeks and the other for a week and 2 days. It'll be a nice chance for me to get out and be on my own for a bit. I like "me" time as much as i love "friend" time.

So ive been single for about 3 months now, been searching here and there and just not been fruitful. I have met some good friends and i love my friends but for now, i've kind of given up on finding my special someone. Meeting people and being friends is good enough for now, its time for me to life for myself and to be there for my friends. A friend told me today, not to give my heart away so easily.... i know im a nice person and bad people will take every advantage of this if they can. I have learned a lot within my short lifetime and i know i still have even more to learn but i know when to say no and protect myself.

Waiting for summer to come along, long days of warm hot weather and being able to explore the beauty that is around me. All i can tell u that is im here on the west coast of North America and ive got so much beauty around me yet to discover......

So that may have been a random blog of thoughts but they are my thoughts, so :P

A new begginning.....

I know its been a while, its been a time of trial , a bit of frustration and now i've got a whole different outlook on life once again. Seems like life is challanging me every step of the way and i have learned to deal. Whether it my life, death or love, its all good, its all a learning experience.

Of course having friends help, close friends that ive only known recently. I am thankful for meeting all of the, without them i dont think i would have been able to or it would have been harder to get through this trying time. You live, you learn, and life goes on. Now life is exciting, im discovering things around me that i've never really discovered before. Meeting new people and learning about their lives and what are going through or what they have been through.

Having someone to love and to love you back is great and is what most people want. I know that there is that someone out there for me and all i have to do is be patient...... at the same time i must live my life to the fullest :) .

From my last blog, this wanting slowly disappated and to have wanted was a wonderful feeling. Knowing that i am wanted to is also a wonderful feeling, not always the right people but hey, u cant always get what you want.

Once you get past these barriers, this big thick wall lifts from all around you and you gain a brand new kind of confidence. Ive never had this sort of confidence before and am going to embrace it.

Life is good.......

Life is definately what you make of it.......

Timing.....

As with everything in life, things dont always work out the way you want.  Most of the time, its because of the time you chose to do something, the time you didnt choose but it just happened that you felt something.  Why these feelings are so strong are a mystery sometimes, you want them to go away but they dont.   They linger in your mind day in and day out.  Is it something new, something fresh?  We really cannot understand what goes on in our minds and in our hearts, us as human beings are a very complicated being.

So why, why do i feel the way i feel, want what i want?  Why does it feel so strong?  I cant explain it, and i wish i could so i could just flush it out of my system.  I keep trying and trying but it just keeps coming back.  Like the falling snow,  it may cover up something you want to avoid but eventually it melts away and reveals what you put there and you remember... and want...

The moment, timing, is everything.....

Constant State of Change

No matter how minute it may be, there is something different about every passing day.  Many people go through life thinking, everyday im doing the same routine, breakfast, go to work, do the same thing and work, head home, eat dinner and go to bed.  This is somewhat true, but its not always the same.  U may bump into an old friend on the bus, go out for lunch, witness and accident and dole out some random acts of kindness.

Life doesnt have to be a routine if you dont let it be.  When you start noticing the changes in your everyday life, you are experiencing life and all that it has to offer.  Experiences in life cannot always be good but those bad changes are what shape who we are and what we do the next day, and if not the next day you will reflect on what happened and learn and share with those around you.

Like last night, a very long blackout at a friends house.  There was a group of us just chatting about life and the lights went out.  Suddenly there was no lights, no tv, no music.  There was just candle light and good company.  It was fun, we all had a chance to talk about things going on in our lives without the distraction of technology  (there was an odd celphone going off).  We learned more things about eachother, we had time to sit and ponder about things.  We enjoyed watching the snow fall..... then i had to get a phone card later on.  That was not fun, driving in the snow with some traffic lights out and then returning to a dark and empty home with no one to talk to.  

So good or bad, that was an experience, something to share.

Your life is never monotone if you take the time to look at it from a different perspective.

Its in a constant state of change....

Life - Live it and love it!

Life is all about new beginnings, you can reconnect with your past but it does not mean that you have to live your past.  Im sure we all have regrets in life, but with regrets come reflection and with that reflection you learn, and hopefully for the best.  I can only preach living everyday to its fullest and not dwelling on the past, practicing it is another story as much as you want to, things that you dont expect can come at you life a giant tidal wave.

Living within the limits that society has put on you seems to be the norm, how do we get out of these limits without others looking down on you?  We want to do what we want without anyone caring, but does that really happen?  Everything we do can and will impact another no matter how large or small. 

Life is what you make of it, make it count, no matter what, we were put on this earth for a reason.  Whether is be for someone or for yourself, you be the judge.  Only you can be the judge of yourself, no one can really ever know the real you.  In this life, we live for ourselves and the people we are surrounded by.

Live and let live, Love and embrace love.  Everyday is a chance for us to learn something new.....

OK, the above may not have made any sense whatsoever but i just felt like writing it....

Central Park (not NYC)

Spent a morning at the park with my 2 little nephews, this is the first time that i'd ever been to this park. My sister in law warned me of the squirrels. I thought, how bad could they be? Sure enough, these squirrels were afraid of no one. They are on the hunt for a quick meal, ive never seen a park full of chubby squirrels, the ones i usually see are very skinny.

We stopped for a snack and immediatly the squirrels swarmed us like a gang on criminals. On two feet sniffing the air for these popcorn cakes we had. My nephew (lets call him Milo) thought they were cute, saying "look! swirrel!, other swirrel! (another squirrel) then it took a turn for the worst. The squirrels got closer and closer, of course me and my camera i start filming them oblvios to Milos cries of distress. Milo wanted to get off the ground, a squirrel started to sniff my foot, i finally noticed and yelled "oh shit" then Milo immediatly follows my lead and yells "oh shit" . Damn taught my 2 year old nephew to swear! Eventually Milo sat in the baby cart and felt safe, when a squirrel would come by he would start yelling "swirrel! go away!!!".

Lesson learned : Dont swear around kids, they absorb everything like a sponge!